[[NOTE: The following content is not meant to be taken seriously; it was written badly on purpose.]]
Ever since I was 2 I loved playing Undertale. I went to a car booty sale and I saw an N64 cartridge with a spooky skeleton drawn on it with crayola markers. I thought "God that's hot, so I bought the cartridge after doing the dealer a special favour I crawled my way home after my legs gave out from all the copulation with the homeless salesman. I scratched my house door down with my uncut finger nails and I made it to my room.
I put the N64 cartridge into my PS4. It made a familiar and nostalgic sound, and the Xbox logo showed up beneath the Sega logo. I pressed my Wii remote button and the PS5 started to run Undertale. I played Undertale a long time ago back in 1986; it was the first RPG of its kind. It was the first game that let you consensually rape a skeleton. What other game can you think of that allowed players to do that? Can you name one? I didn't think so.
The game started up and I saw a le funny doge BORK BORK, but something was different. It was aware of my ineptitude and faggotry and it scurried off, but not before bleeding from its ears. I screamed three consecutive times because it makes the story interesting. I pressed the light switch in my room to go to part where I name my avatar but it already chose a name for me. The text was red, and my character's name was “ASSOHOLIC BITCH". I puked for some reason. Wow I'm a pussy. I now remember that name... I was called that by all the other high-school students when I went to high-school before I became a basement-dwelling goblin.
I picked my nose and tried changing my name. I changed it to "Super Brony" but it changed it back, as if I typed the name again! Turns out both names are basically the SAME!! I sighed, scratched my ass crack and pressed the enter key on my Calculator. The screen was black for approximately 1 minute. When I was young I had a my frontal lobe replaced with a stopwatch so that's how I know, SO DON'T BE MEAN AND POST HATEFUL COMMENTS!!
My character woke up on a bed of flowers. Their eyes were closed, and looked as Asian as ever. I thought "how can this be real if my eyes are not peel?” It was too philosophical for me so I puked exactly two times. My character started to pour blood from their eyes!! (I say “their” because I don't want to misgender the character, be respectful!11!!) And they turned hyper realistic. I screamed and then realised I just got a graphics upgrade for my toaster as a result so I shut my trap. I have taken a photo of this exact facial expression. Here's a picture!! mechanicorga.deviantart.com/ar… IT'S REAL1
I walked through a cave door to come across a flower. Its face looked like my deceased brother, from Real Life!! He made a spooky Kefka laugh, like Kefka from final Kefka. I've played Final Fantoosy so I have done my research, SO DON'T BE MEAN IN THE COMMENTS, I MEAN IT!!1 Anyway, I, oh so astute observer of minor details, noticed Flowey had a cum stain on his dick-sucking lips. It looked familiar. And then Flowey said something I will never forget in my haunted nightmare-filled life: “Brown Bricks”.
I was confused, but also terrified, but mostly confused. And terrified. This must mean something. He then called me by my real in-real-life real name:
"Hey Tom, it's me, your brother1!"
I cried, screamed and shit my diapy all at once. This was too much for me. How did he know my name? How did a flower, that looks and sounds like my brother, know my name?? I then came to the conclusion that this game must be cursed. By gipsies! Only a gipsy would curse a perfect game like Undertale. Nobody can resist the lure of such a great 90s game.
I puked again because it's gross and scary!! And I picked up my holy cross blessed by the piss of Jesus Christo, and aimed it at my Sony wide-screen plasma TV, which cost $200 plus warrantee. Then I said "FUNNY SCREAM!!" And Flowey that looked like my brother with big DSLs screamed, and he began to melt, into hyper realistic blood. The blood looked such real for such old 90s game! I had faith in my cross; it helped me through times of need, except for being a virgin. It helped me vanquish demons and other spooky haunted games, such as my haunted copy of Mario and Sonic at the Paraplegic Games (PLEASE READ THAT CREEPYPASTA TOO IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, SONIC.EXE IS IN IT, AND SO IS MaRio!11! SKELETONS APPEARED IN IT, LIKE THE ONES FROM UNDERTALE!!2)
Then my TV exploded, into blood! That was really scary, because it was blood. Pay attention reader!! The explosion was hyper realistic, because it happened in real life. You could say that it was Ultra realistic, like the ultra settings of my Gazebo. It delivers high-octane processing and graphics and performance graphics things.
I was distraught. Not only did my TV explode but so did my console. And a ghost came out and it disappeared. Also something about my brother and a funny bork bork doge but I can't be arsed to write about them again. I am A HERO. A HERO.
Anyhow my mum and dad didn't hear anything; they didn't come upstairs and ask if I was okay. And they couldn't even smell my odor. I went down staris; I heard nothing, so I opened the kitchen door and… my mom and dad were SANS AND PAYPURUS!!! I WAS IN UNDERTAle. THEY BOTH TOLD ME INCASE I FORGOT!1 AND BORK BORK THE FUNNY DOGY WAS THERE!!!!
And I got on my knees and sucked two skeleton cocks the end.
P.S. It's too late to save me, save yourselves. Spread the word and you could save other assoholic bitches. Buy a cross, you can buy them from Target. MAKE SURE THEY'RE HOLY, OKAY?? I also committed Sudoku by drinking Kool-Aid before submitting this.